Monday, February 18, 2008
7:05 AM ●

hey peeps
nothing much in sch today
i wrote a new poem but it sucks like hell cos i had no inspiration
so yeahhh
THANKYOUKELLYFORTHECOOKIE!
its damn yummy i say !
although i may get a sore throat soon because i didnt drink enough water after eating the cookie
(ohno! LA speech!)
anyway
i've gone into a very reflective mood today
pardon me if you fall asleep reading this.

i realise that im really selfish and cowardly at times where i dont face up to my own problems
i expect people to do all they can to help me
to give me whatever i need
whenever i want.
i should stop being like this.

i realise that i have so many things left unsaid
unspoken in my heart
and most of the time
i never ever voice them out to the people who are supposed to hear them
or most of the time i dont have the courage to
i should stop being like this.

i realise that i always make split second decisions
and i always regret it
somehow regrets are now half of my life
i hate how i regret after making every stupid decision i have ever made
especially those which hurt those people i love really badly
i should stop being like this

and lastly i realise that im very fickle
my feelings like to get ahead of me alot of the time
and
sometimes i let feelings that are on the spur of the moment get ahead of the feelings which take a giant portion of my heart
and i end up losing people who are so very close to me
and it hurts
and sometimes i blame other people for what's happening to me
not knowing that i myself is the cause of it all.
i will stop being like this.

coming across the end of the world may not be the end
nor is it when you feel as if you're going to topple over the edge
sometimes catching hold of your balance right at the very last second can still save you
or if you go over the edge
there's a chance that there might be somewhere new where you can start over
and so this is what im going to do
im going to erase everything that's tainting my past
and start over
catch a hold of myself before i topple over the edge
and this time
im gna start right
im gna make sure of that
and nobody
NOBODY
is going to get in MY way.
not now. not EVER.

lots more things i wanna say, i wanna let out of my soul
but i guess not today.

xxxxxx

( Run to the city. )