Wednesday, April 30, 2008
4:22 AM ●

i hate csm now.
although i did have a lot of fun walking around hc and stalking people
and eating kelly's cookies and watching my class run
with much pride
but. aft csm
aft lunch and arcade with bong
i went home
and everything was changed
and it was all because of my stupid mistake
because i didnt want to see him
aft what he said yesterday
but its still my fault
he had to go see the principal today
and i just totally disregarded that and just spoke my mind
i hate myself
i really really do
sometimes it amazes me how i always never fail to hurt people's feelings
then it really struck me that
i had confirmed that i was dragging him down
it was the worst thought i could have
and i cried and cried and cried
for 2 hours
before i finally managed to calm down enough
and think rationally
or maybe not so.
and right now
qiao's busy
so i've got no one to tell
no one to turn to
i really feel so inferior to him
i've got nothing to give back to him
not even my time
not anything.
all i do is demand from him
and he
who loves me
never fails to give me what i want
what i need
i wonder if i asked him again if he'd want me to leave
maybe, maybe not.
but now it all depends on him
if he wants me to leave
i'll leave
but this time.
there's no turning back.

signingoff.

P.S. please forgive me.

xxxxxx

( Run to the city. )