Saturday, October 10, 2009
12:37 PM ●


hmm. i havent blogged in such a long time i never realised blogger's layout is back to normal.
it's a good thing i guess.
10 more days to the end of eoys.
i'm not rejoycing like everyone else is.
what's to come after that.
it's hard to think about.
when everyone's gna play.
i have to stay at home.
and be good.
until the 10th of nov.

i dont understand.
why i have to be kept like a doll.
like a toy that wasnt meant to be played with.
people dont NEED 3 weeks to study for chinese.
they dont.
i do?
i find that hard to believe.
i feel like crying.
i realised.
my freedom, i'll never have it.
you make all the decisions for me.
saying it's all for my own good.
but how many times have i heard that before?
if all your decisions are "for my own good", when you've made every single decision for me, why do i still turn out to be someone that doesnt satisfy you?
that isnt smart enough, that isnt pretty enough, that just isnt the perfect daughter.
my fault.
it's always my fault.
why dont you ever question your choices?
you think you're making the choices for my benefit.
but in actual fact you never stop to think about what it does to me.
you dont know how much damage you've done to me.
forcing me to be someone i'm not.
to be someone who cannot make any decisions for herself, to be someone who lies. far too much.

pain feels good compared to what you're doing to me.
i want to run away.
away from this reality that seems more like a nightmare i can never wake up from.

xxxxxx

( Run to the city. )